middle-aged

As I draw closer to 40, more of my past becomes more nuanced or I gain a greater perspective. And as I do, I gain a greater appreciation for those in my life.

As I look back at everything I had done when I was the same age as Nemesia is now and how my parents handled it I have a much greater appreciation of them.

When I was about ten, my dad received a book about the history of taxes as I gift and I remember thinking at the time and for much of my life after how boring that book would be. Then, a few days ago, I happened to catch myself thinking about how taxes might be perceived as a historical indicator of a society’s priorities and what that might look like. And, maybe, because I had come to this way of thinking the subject of my dad’s book wasn’t so boring after all.

Since recently learning more about black culture, hair care, and skincare I have found my self connecting why I have always gravitated toward skincare but always felt guilty spending the time to use all the products I pined for or owned. Now, as I am working to consciously embrace self care I am reminded of my Aunt Paula’s skin care and hair care products. Her makeups and perfumes. And I suddenly hope that I understand my aunt a little more.

Being middle-aged has given me such a tremendous and unique perspective not only of my self but of those I have known (in the ability to not only remember my past life but to view it from the added perspective of a parent/spouse/etc). Yet, in addition to being able to look back from an ever greater perspective, I am still young enough to look ahead. To still know that I am someone else’s child.

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